Laura Hickman, upset at being killed so quickly in the game, leads the audience in a stirring rendition of ‘Don’t Kill Me Now, Dungeon Master’ (to the tune of “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina” with apologies to Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber).

It was way foolish… That move I made…
I forgot and just opened the door…
And my Dex-ter-i-ty didn’t help me one bit…
But I’m a Cleric… And checking for traps isn’t what I should do…
That’s Frank’s job… because he’s a Thief…
I blame him… and think you should, too!

To run this game’s not easy… you should get paid…
For suffering through play that’s poor…
From idiots like Frank… who really should quit.
You are a GEN-IOUS!
Quoting tables and Charts off the top of your head…
And I think your hygiene’s quite good…
No matter what anyone says!

Don’t Kill Me Now, Dungeon Master!
The truth is… I don’t deserve it!
All through my wild play… the maps that we drew!
I brought Dor-i-tos… And always liked you!

And as for Treasure… And as for Fame!
Experience Points come and go…
They are not the big deal… that Frank brags that they are.
They are Illusions…
A good DM is more important you see…
With Monsters and Riddles and such…
I like you… And hope you like me!

Don’t Kill Me Now, Dungeons Master!

(Musical interlude with character sheet waving.)

Don’t Kill Me Now, Dungeon Master!
The truth is… I don’t deserve it!
All through my wild play… the maps that we drew!
I brought Dor-i-tos… And always liked you!

I guess I am still dead… So nothing I can say will work?
Then all that’s left is for you to know…
That I think you’re a JERK!

Laura closes by demonstrating her pyromaniac tendencies.

Starring: Laura Hickman as the Agrieved Player and the Killer Breakfast Ensemble.

A new set of heroes enter the secret service entrance of Ravenloft and Strahd’s Landry Room which is packed wall to wall with a meeting of Zombies Anonymous … ZOMANNON! One player takes the pledge while another pleads ‘the Fifth’ and a third claims professional courtesy because he’s a lawyer. The DM is forced to explain what happened to a Girl Scout Troop that disappeared at last year’s Killer Breakfast AND is prevented from killing the player by an application of Thin Mints. Laura FINALLY gets to play … if all too briefly.

Starring: Alex Loke as the Cthulhu Lawyer and John Pollock as the Werewolf.

Armed with a pick-up truck, a bag of corn-nuts and a bed of old beer cans and auto parts, our intrepid and decidedly backwoods adventurers — plus one large ’sister-wife’ — assault the Gates of Ravenloft. Yee-ha!

Includes a strange interlude with Starbucks Coffee and a greatful encounter with Girl Scout Cookies.

Margaret Weis — having caused the Dungeon Master to collapse under warm sentimentality — is nevertheless knocked out of the game when she blatantly plugs her own booth number on-stage. Jason Marsden (the voice of Tasslehoff in the ‘Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight’ animated film) signs in as a horny kender riding the back of a large Amazonian Woman. One woman dances wildly in the background while Jason Marsden turns into a T-Rex … wiping out the entire table and carrying the dancing girl off with him.

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Our brave heroes enter into a food fight with the arcane evil lord Cthulhu while Henry Chi continues to wreak havoc on the Game Master by manipulation of of a Voodoo-spirited giant Lollypop. Cthulhu chokes on his food and falls, killing everyone at the table. Only then does Margaret Weis, accompanied by Jamie Chambers and Jason Marsden (the voice of ‘Tasslehoff’ in the upcoming ‘Dragonlance’ movie) leap into the frey where Margaret nearly does Tracy in with a kind word.

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In the opening moves, the players come out strong, proclaiming that there is life after killer breakfast with dinner at Hooters. Moreover, Henry Chi — a Killer Breakfast veteran — produces ‘VooDoo Tracy’ and temporarily takes control of the gamemaster!

We are trying to establish a complete cast list of participants. If you recognize yourself in this episode of the podcast, please leave a comment with your name, contact information and where in the video you saw yourself.

What would a fantasy role playing game be without a big-time, Broadway-style opening musical production number? Well, you would probably call it ’sane’ but it sure wouldn’t be Killer Breakfast! Tracy and Laura Hickman — with the help of special guest Frank Mentzer (contributing designer to the original Dungeons & Dragons game as well as renown Gencon Auctioneer) - and the usual crew open the show with a no-holds-barred rendition of ‘Phantoms of the Ravenloft.’ (With apologies to Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber and Charles Hart & Richard Stilgoe.) (Plus an additional apology to Tim Rice for incorrectly crediting him with the original lyrics in the video.) Sing along if you like…

(LAURA)
We wrote adventure games / for TSR
But one above the rest / Was quite bizarre.
Now it’s returned again / though not the same…
The Writers of the Ravenloft have come…
To play their game!

(TRACY)
Come play my RPG / for these two hours
We’ll kill more character’s / than ten Jack Baurs!
It’s Killer Breakfast time. You glance behind…
The Makers of the Ravenloft return…
To blow your mine!

(LAURA)
Those who have played the game / draw back in dread
Character’s spring to life…
(TRACY) … then drop down dead!
(DUET) And though you plead and beg / and roll your dice…
The DM of the Ravenloft will kill…
… and not think twice!

(Chorus: It’s Here … it’s time for Killer Breakfast! Beware! It’s time for Killer Breakfast…)

(TRACY)
In all of Ravenloft / Strahd was the best
The Lord Soth somehow came…
(LAURA) You know the rest!
(DUET) So we’ve returned again / To fix mistakes.
The Phantoms of the Ravenloft have come…
To up the Stakes!

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A journey of a thousand miles begins with … a Safety Presentation! Jamie Chambers (designer of the Serenity and Battlestar Galactica role playing games) and Jason Marsden (voice of Tasslehoff in the Dragonlance Movie) are caught among the crowds awaiting the start of Killer Breakfast with the ubiquitously federally-mandated-so-you-cannot-sue-us video. Keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times…

Angel Hickman Peterson as the Narrator
Jarod Hickman as the Young Helmeted Adventure
Tasha Hickman as the Young Babe Adventurette

We are trying to establish a complete cast list of participants. If you recognize yourself in this episode of the podcast, please leave a comment with your name, contact information and where in the video you saw yourself.